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Brittany and I drove into the city today. She had to pick up handouts in Chinatown for the CMJ show in the Bowery this Friday. She then dropped me off in Union Square where I�figured Iapos;d get coffee. I sat inside at one of the counters in the one on Park Ave and 17th until like 2ish. I spoke to Evan about perhaps seeing Bob Dylan next month. I donapos;t really like Bob Dylan, but its still Bob Dylan, the ticket is free and it gives me a reason to go up and visit Evan. I need to apply to more places to work since the only place that called me was the place I didnapos;t want to work...

I went on a tour of the New Schoolapos;s General Studies Program at 3. The tour consisted of me and an older girl who was probably like 25 or 26 from DC. The guide happened to be a Media Studies major. Only problem was that despite how I�kept trying to emphasize how Iapos;m still working on my bachelorapos;s degree, she was referring only to the Masterapos;s program, which just makes me feel a bit uneasy concerning their organization to with in how the website was inaccurate about when they held their tours and which tours they were giving. I donapos;t know. Maybe I messed it up since Iapos;m quite the invalid.

The school was nice, but kind of like SVA on a grander scale if it werenapos;t strictly an art school. The Guide was saying how she had earned her bachelors in fine arts and that here the students even in the media program are much more relaxed than an art school. How much I�believe of that I donapos;t know. Part of me feels like I�should apply to Eugene Lang for directing instead. Theater directing is probably better than film since you most likely work on staging and getting your performances rather than worrying about cameras and equipment.

Just to be safe, I do have a feeling I might just end up going to Nassau for a semester or two, like the summer semester, so that Iapos;m all caught up by next fall wherever I end up. Itapos;s really incredible how much that bitch really fucked up my college career and it was totally out of my control. There was nothing I�could do right with that woman because the second she complimented me, she found something to rip me a new asshole over that had nothing to do with my work, but my self-worth which was not herapos;s to fuck with, not if you were confused and asked a question or because you werenapos;t there when the exercise was first explained.

I left SVA�with a fantastic average of something along the lines of a 2.6 because of that class. There was nothing I�could to do salvage it. The program I want is already rare as it is and its only available naturally at either SVA in which I�can keep myself from choking the film chair who would be teaching the master class my senior year, or Iapos;d have to get into a school like Columbia or NYU. That will not happen at either school, not with a 2.6. And it really just drives me insane. I couldnapos;t stay where I�was, even if the acting thing never happened and I just remained there upset its better than floating around with no idea of what to do.

All�I really can do is settled on this school that I visited today that Iapos;m not yet sold on, and hope it isnapos;t a repeat of SVA just in a different place. I donapos;t think I can make that kind of financial commitment if I donapos;t feel totally confident with it. I�can go to Nassau and HOPE�that perhaps my grades can bring me up to a level that can get me into a better school with a multiyear writing program is offered. I donapos;t want to go to Hofstra. I just donapos;t want to be so close, not permanently nor do I�know how the hell Iapos;m going to get there. But like where else is there to go? This is the part where people name who Iapos;m going to turn into when I get older. Now as much as I admire this person, this is a job I�cannot do. Itapos;s not going to happen. And if by the divine powers of G-d put me in Hofstra by next fall, well Iapos;m going to be a bit scared...

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