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Brittany and I drove into the city today. She had to pick up handouts in Chinatown for the CMJ show in the Bowery this Friday. She then dropped me off in Union Square where I�figured Iapos;d get coffee. I sat inside at one of the counters in the one on Park Ave and 17th until like 2ish. I spoke to Evan about perhaps seeing Bob Dylan next month. I donapos;t really like Bob Dylan, but its still Bob Dylan, the ticket is free and it gives me a reason to go up and visit Evan. I need to apply to more places to work since the only place that called me was the place I didnapos;t want to work...

I went on a tour of the New Schoolapos;s General Studies Program at 3. The tour consisted of me and an older girl who was probably like 25 or 26 from DC. The guide happened to be a Media Studies major. Only problem was that despite how I�kept trying to emphasize how Iapos;m still working on my bachelorapos;s degree, she was referring only to the Masterapos;s program, which just makes me feel a bit uneasy concerning their organization to with in how the website was inaccurate about when they held their tours and which tours they were giving. I donapos;t know. Maybe I messed it up since Iapos;m quite the invalid.

The school was nice, but kind of like SVA on a grander scale if it werenapos;t strictly an art school. The Guide was saying how she had earned her bachelors in fine arts and that here the students even in the media program are much more relaxed than an art school. How much I�believe of that I donapos;t know. Part of me feels like I�should apply to Eugene Lang for directing instead. Theater directing is probably better than film since you most likely work on staging and getting your performances rather than worrying about cameras and equipment.

Just to be safe, I do have a feeling I might just end up going to Nassau for a semester or two, like the summer semester, so that Iapos;m all caught up by next fall wherever I end up. Itapos;s really incredible how much that bitch really fucked up my college career and it was totally out of my control. There was nothing I�could do right with that woman because the second she complimented me, she found something to rip me a new asshole over that had nothing to do with my work, but my self-worth which was not herapos;s to fuck with, not if you were confused and asked a question or because you werenapos;t there when the exercise was first explained.

I left SVA�with a fantastic average of something along the lines of a 2.6 because of that class. There was nothing I�could to do salvage it. The program I want is already rare as it is and its only available naturally at either SVA in which I�can keep myself from choking the film chair who would be teaching the master class my senior year, or Iapos;d have to get into a school like Columbia or NYU. That will not happen at either school, not with a 2.6. And it really just drives me insane. I couldnapos;t stay where I�was, even if the acting thing never happened and I just remained there upset its better than floating around with no idea of what to do.

All�I really can do is settled on this school that I visited today that Iapos;m not yet sold on, and hope it isnapos;t a repeat of SVA just in a different place. I donapos;t think I can make that kind of financial commitment if I donapos;t feel totally confident with it. I�can go to Nassau and HOPE�that perhaps my grades can bring me up to a level that can get me into a better school with a multiyear writing program is offered. I donapos;t want to go to Hofstra. I just donapos;t want to be so close, not permanently nor do I�know how the hell Iapos;m going to get there. But like where else is there to go? This is the part where people name who Iapos;m going to turn into when I get older. Now as much as I admire this person, this is a job I�cannot do. Itapos;s not going to happen. And if by the divine powers of G-d put me in Hofstra by next fall, well Iapos;m going to be a bit scared...

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Tried getting internet installed today. For reasons I wonapos;t explain, I had to try installing the modem myself. Crap happens, I manage to get it up and running and Wow internet wonapos;t come up on the lappy.

I didnapos;t understand anything the guy was talking about on the phone. Not only that, but since I have no signal in my room, I had to keep walking back outside and inside to call him and then do what he told me to do with the computer. After listening to a bunch of crap I didnapos;t understand, I lost him and now he wonapos;t answer his phone. Doesnapos;t bother me. I wanted to quit and escape to the library where I could cry about it. Iapos;ve been in a really bad mood lately. The smallest things have been upsetting me, making me cry and I have nobody to talk to.

Iapos;ll try to call them tomorrow and see if I can get some help that makes sense. But right now I feel miffed and horrible. Iapos;m starting to feel a little bit better.

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Supertwister
� Danceflash

TW LW #W Artist - TITLE
1 5 4 ROBIN S - Show Me Love 2008
2 2 8 GURU JOSH PROJECT - Infinity 2008
3 1 15 COLDPLAY - Viva La Vida
4 4 16 GABRIELLA CILMI - Sweet About Me
5 14 4 FRANS BAUER MARIANNE WEBER - Als Ik Met Jou Op Wolken Zweef
6 6 3 NIKKI - Bring Me Down
7 7 5 GERARD JOLING - Ik Hou D'R Zo Van
8 3 7 AMY MCDONALD - Mr. Rock And Roll
9 10 7 JASON MRAZ - I'M Yours
10 11 7 PINK - So What

11 8 5 ILSE DELANGE - So Incredible
12 9 6 BLOF - Oktober
13 13 12 ERIC PRYDZ - Pjanoo
14 17 4 MARIA MENA - All This Time
15 20 6 MADONNA - Miles Away
16 16 10 RIHANNA - Disturbia
17 15 6 ANOUK - If I Go
18 18 6 JAMES MORRISON - You Make It Real
19 19 5 SCRIPT - The Man Who Can't Be Moved
20 12 14 KATY PERRY - I Kissed A Girl
21 NE 1 KANE - It'S London Calling
22 21 10 NICK SIMON - Hoe Lang?
23 29 3 JAMES DOMAN - Everything's Gonna Be Alright
24 31 2 ANASTACIA - I Can Feel You
25 23 14 NE-YO - Closer
26 34 2 ALAIN CLARK - Fell In Love
27 36 3 SNOOP DOGG - My Medicine
28 26 9 ALPHABEAT - 10.000 Nights Of Thunder
29 30 4 KINGS OF LEON - Sex On Fire
30 32 3 LASGO - Out Of My Mind
31 28 9 MARCO BORSATO - Stop De Tijd
32 37 2 JEAN CLAUDE ADES - I Begin To Wonder 2008
33 22 12 JORDIN SPARKS CHRIS BROWN - No Air
34 39 2 NOVASTAR - Because
35 25 16 KATE RYAN - Ella Elle La
36 NE 1 LAURENT WOLF FEAT. ERIC CARTER - Wash My World
37 27 4 ELIZE - Hot Stuff
38 NE 1 GUUS MEEUWIS - Ik Wil Nog Niet Naar Huis
39 24 18 KID ROCK - All Summer Long
40 35 11 ARMIN VAN BUUREN FEAT. SHARON DEN ADEL - In And Out Of Love

Uit de Top 40 verdwenen:
33 17� MADONNA -� Give It 2 Me
38 12� LIONEL RICHIE TRIJNTJE OOSTERHUIS -� Face In The Crowd
40 3� IAN CAREY -� Red Light

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I live in an apartment complex. Tonight (at 4 am) cops showed up for the FOURTH time to talk to our downstairs neighbor, who we call Special Ed. Iapos;ve called the office after every visit from the police---the lights/talking/yelling wake us up and itapos;s getting to the point where we donapos;t feel safe. This guy and his son seem to always be drunk, they canapos;t keep their business inside their apartment and Iapos;m just tired of it. Short of calling the office again (tomorrow at a decent time) what can I do? I donapos;t feel safe talking to this person on my own...I donapos;t really want him to know that itapos;s me complaining as I feel he could potentialy hurt me or my property. This guy has only lived here for about 6 months, and the cops have been here 4 times in as many months... I find that scary.

any other neighbor horror stories?

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Well, the car is in for MAJOR repairs Itapos;s going to cost anywhere from $600-$1,200 to repair. It seems my coolant has been apos;disappearingapos; into my motor oil. I either have a blown head gasket or I have a crack in the engine block. And itapos;s going to take 4-5 days to repair. I HAVE to get it repaired otherwise I will have nothing to trade in on another car AND I will have nothing to get back and forth to work in until I find another car. I would love to be able to make it to income tax time but..... I just dunno. That would help me get some of my moneyapos;s worth out of the repair expense at least.

The mechanic who gave me a ride home has a KIa 0ptima and he said his daughter has a KIa Spectra. He swears by those cars and he said his gets 38 mpg That alone would cut my monthly gas bill in half which would almost equate to the car note based on the present gas prices. He said his daughter gets 40 mpg in hers.

I am SO depressed I canapos;t afford all this but even more than that, I LOVE my little car. Itapos;s been so good to me and drives like a little spitfire she-devil I...REALLY...love...my...little...car

We always say (quite honestly) we canapos;t possibly afford something but then it works out to where we can and do because we have to and life still goes on. We make room for the extra expense. Of course, the economy hasnapos;t been this bad before but then I think, people in the depression did it with a whole heck of a lot less than we can even begin to imagine.

I called Ed out at the lake and told him I could make it and why. He started asking me a bunch of questions, which is NOT the thing to do when Iapos;ve just been punched in the financial gut, and at that point, I had to try really, really hard not to start crying. I guess he then realized how upset I was and he said weapos;d talk about it later.

About an hour later he called me and said he was at the crossroads in Albemarle on his way to my house. By the time he got here, Iapos;d sorta calmed down and become resigned to it but he came in bearing a bouquet of half a dozen roses. I thought that was so sweet. As he packed up and left the lake without even taking the time to eat, I fixed him a couple of ham and cheese sandwiches. He helped do a chore in the garden then he went on home, telling me to call if I needed anything. They said my car wouldnapos;t be ready until Monday or Tuesday. So, here I sit..... Nearest bus stop is a mile away.

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Beeeeeeeeeeeeee-------------p.

Iapos;ve just come up with a way to sum up humanity and Iapos;m feeling smart about it although thereapos;s nothing to be smart about.

Iapos;M JUST RELIEVED OKAY. Becos I HANDED IN MY FLASH AS3 GAME TODAY THANK YOU VERY MUCH WOO

Anyway.�Here goes.

Optimistapos;s point of view:
If you never lose,
Youapos;re never going to choose.

Escapistapos;s point of view:
If you never choose,
Youapos;re never going to lose.

Pessimistapos;s point of view:
Youapos;re just going to lose if you choose,
And choose to lose in the end, if you havenapos;t already chosen or lost.
Tadaaaa.
Smart right.
Dez is so smart.
Iapos;m always defining things for others and never for myself.
Rah.






I was walking by the place we frequented
I miss your misshapened forefinger in my hand

I



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